Indian Wedding

Before you start reading; you might like to play the following music in the background. However, if it distracts you from reading its better to stop playing it.
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The sound of the brass could be heard from four streets away from the venue of the wedding. The bride’s family and their relatives had gathered in the local community centre before the arrival of the groom’s party (baraat) so that they could welcome them. There was lot of hustle and bustle going on inside. As the sound started to become clearer upon them approaching nearer, the tension in the bride’s camp started to mount. Everybody in the close family seemed to be giving instructions to everybody else.

Others who were not so close but were classed as related to the bride in one way or the other were busy munching the scrumptious savoury snacks unaware of the proximity of the baraat. The bride’s immediate family was concerned about this as this was important that there were enough of snacks left for the baraat. If not, it would be a disgrace.

The baraat was taking a long time to arrive. This inordinate delay was one of the several hot topics for the bride’s not so close relatives to deliberate on to give the bride’s immediate family a real feel of the wedding pressure even though they had no role to play in the baraat’s slow speed.

The baraat, headed by a display of fireworks, was moving at a snail’s pace because its members were performing a very important ritual of dancing to the highly acclaimed tunes of the brass and the dhol. The wedding ceremony could not be completed without it. The members of the band were giving their best by blowing hard the trumpets and beating hard the drums. Their grimaces remained completely unnoticed by the members of the baraat who were dancing; or rambling on either side of the circle made by the chain of the generator powered lights resting on the shoulders of the men who were specially hired for the purpose and who gave a perfect look of someone who had been starving for at least two days. Their eyes looked hungry too for the money which was being flung into the air by the members of the baraat to express their joy for the occasion.

The groom, with his face hidden behind a headdress with hanging garlands, was sitting on a female horse(a mare) symbolising the age old manly conviction that man has to take charge of the female he is going to bind with, for a lifetime, irrespective of the contemporary realities. The groom and his mare were covered in finery. Just like the lights carrying crew the mare also did not seem strong enough to carry the groom.

The baraat had come a bit closer to the venue but not quite there as yet. The elderly members wanted to go a bit faster unlike the younger ones who wanted to carry on dancing for a little bit more as this was a life time opportunity to dance on the wedding of this groom. This was not supposed to happen again in his life ever again.

The constant and poignant beat of the dhol was echoing into the air calling all the residents of the nearby street onto their terraces and balconies out of curiosity to see the baraat. For some, the aerial view was rather spectacular.

Eventually, the baraat arrived in front of the main gate of the wedding venue. It appeared that the band will stop playing now but it did not. It was continuing as some members of the baraat were still keen on dancing. However, after a few minutes, the band stopped playing and it sounded utterly peaceful similar to a ceasefire. Now was the time for the groom to get off his unusual conveyance. The owner of the horse, however, did not let the groom get off until his father paid him a specified amount of money. It was a part of the tradition. After some bargaining, the father of the groom paid him the agreed amount and the groom jumped off in such a way that if he did not rush, the bride would run away with someone else.

The family members of the bride and very close relatives were all there right in front of the entrance gate to welcome the groom and his baraat. It was time for milni, i.e. exchanging garlands by individual male counterpart relatives of the bride and the groom. The groom’s dad will exchange a garland with bride’s dad and bride’s dad will also give a present to the groom’s dad. The groom’s dad will not give anything to the bride’s dad except the garland. The same will apply to bride’s and groom’s brothers, their maternal and paternal uncles and even their grandfathers, if they were still alive. If one of the two was alive then a substitute will have to be found for the other. After this exchanging of garlands and giving of presents, the bride’s family made way for the groom’s family. The baraat just followed. In fact, during the garland exchanging process many members of the baraat, who had no interest in this ritual, had already escaped inside the venue. They were mainly the loyal dancers who were very thirsty after all this hard work of dancing on the broken and unlevelled roads. It was not easy after all.

The bride’s family escorted the groom and his family to the sofas on the front. These sofas in elegant white covers had been reserved for them already. The ordinary members of the baraat were not allowed to sit on these. There were ordinary chairs elsewhere for them. The sofas were right in front of the dais which was going to be used later for dignified occupancy. There were two chairs on the dais, one each for the bride and the groom. Since the bride had not arrived yet the groom sat on the sofa for the first few minutes.

The members of the baraat and those from the host camp were busy relishing the starters and the appetisers. There were stalls of food from one end of the hall to the other. The serving staff of the caterer was wearing smart brilliant white hats almost totally in contrast to their own colour. The colour of the aprons was red. There were lots of girls wanting to be served on the paani puri stall. They looked mouth watering, the paani puris. The man who was serving these was doing it rather mechanically. His hands moved in a very systematic manner. He was picking paani puris up with his left hand, piercing a whole with his thumb on the top of them while the right hand brought, in a spoon, some small pieces of boiled potatoes cut about the size of a small dice of a board game and some boiled chick peas. After pouring some chutneys and a very special spicy water in it he was transferring the paani puris from his left hand into his right hand and then straight into the bowls in the hands of people eagerly waiting to be served. There was also a very long wait for the Paneer (Indian Cheese) Tikka. It looked very succulent as it clung the long skewers and was rotated on the giant bar-be-que . It seemed really busy in every corner of the hall where food arrangements were made.

All of a sudden, a car stopped at the entrance and came out the bride dressed in a gorgeous red ethnic bridal saari. She was covered in all sorts of jewellery from head to toe and was looking like a fairy princess. However, her dress and jewellery together were either heavier than her or were arranged in such a way that she was finding it extremely difficult to walk. She must have been over the moon and excited for the biggest day of her life but there was no such manifestation visible on her face as it was covered a bit too much by the layers of the items of ornamental importance. The bridesmaid was rather visible and looked more cheerful and excited as if it was her wedding. She and some other girls escorted the bride to the dais. The step by step progression towards the dais was no less than the entire journey of the baraat from their assembly point to the wedding venue.

The groom who was moved from the white sofa to his special chair on the dais few minutes ago tried desperately to peek through the garlands hanging from his headdress so he could see the bride. There was no end to his happiness at this time as he was going to sit next to the girl who would soon be his wife. The bond was becoming stronger every minute. The bride sat on her special silvery red chair next to the groom. She was very shy but somehow managed to have a glimpse of the groom.

Now was the time for each related family to come along on the dais to feed sweets to the bride and the groom and get a picture taken of them with the celebrities of the day. There was an informal understanding that each family will try to feed them, have a picture taken and get off the dais as quickly as possible. There were a couple of kids who had decided to be in each photo of this wedding album so would not get off at all. After some time the bride and the groom were asked to stand up. It was time for varmala. Some one gave them a garland each. They were asked to garland each other. First the bride was asked to garland him. Apparently, the groom was already instructed by his friends and family not to bend down so as to make it a bit difficult for the poor bride. In fact, it seemed that he was told beforehand that he had to keep his head as high as he could. This was to symbolise that men never bend in front of their women. The groom’s facial expression suggested, however, that reality was far from this. He apparently wanted to make it easier for the bride. But the age old customs did not permit him to do so.

Somehow, the bride flung the garland around his neck and everybody clapped. Then groom did his bit. He did not have any problem as he was taller than the bride. Then they were asked to sit back again on their respective chairs as some more photos were to be taken particularly of the bride, her delicate make up including the henna on her hands which looked like a classic piece of embroidery. It was important to take the pictures of henna on bride’s hands as otherwise it will be a complete waste as no one will ever see this piece of art. Not even the groom. Not that he was not romantic but because he was not familiar with this form of romance.

The night was progressing fast and the auspicious moment for wedding was gone past an hour ago. This was quite reasonable considering the sequence of events and procedures that had been completed so far. Guests who had had their meals and were not very keen on attending the rituals to bind the two souls together had started leaving after handing their envelopes containing their wishes for the couple in the form of an odd amount of money, always ending in 1.

It was time for the groom, his family, the bride, her family and a few more people who were instrumental to the wedding agreement to have their meals. There was a special long table at the far right corner of the dinner hall reserved for this elite group. The waiters had strict instructions to make sure that everybody on this table admired the service. This was critical to the amount of gratuities that will be paid to the catering and serving staff at the end, generally by bride’s dad. But they tried to target the groom as well to cash in on his overwhelming joy.

After the feast, the bride, the groom and their close family members were to go and sit where the actual ceremony was to be performed. Before they could settle down on the floor, which was well carpeted to provide the performers of the rituals with a good comfort level, the bride, the groom and their families were supposed to take their shoes off. This was because shoes were not allowed near the bowl which was to be used for lighting the sacred fire to witness the act of super bonding of the two souls for the next few incarnations, generally 7.

Everybody was happy to take his/her shoes off except the groom. He was a bit worried about his brand new shoes. This was because bride’s brother/sister were likely to steal his shoes as part of a tradition and later, at the end of the ceremony, demand a ransom for safe return of shoes to enable the groom to go home with his brand new wife for which he would not be willing to wait. Somehow, he had to take his shoes off to get married in the first place. He had instructed one of his own friends to keep an eye on his shoes to save himself from being blackmailed later.

The pundit ji asked the bride's dad to tie the long scarf looping around the groom’s neck with the dangling end of the bride’s saari. Theoretically, this was the first step in tying the knot but practically it was to ensure that when it comes to walk around the sacred fire, they walk at the same speed or if one falls in it the other should invariably follow because they had now committed to sign the “till death do us part” agreement.

Within no time, the pundit ji made the parents of both the bride and the groom sit in a particular arrangement and started to ignite the small wooden sticks in the fire bowl. The fire started to gradually leap within the bowl. The pundit ji was delivering the mantras (vedic chants). After each mantra he was asking the bride and the groom to pour together, as one person, some ghee (a form of butter) on top of the burning sticks. This was making the fire rising really high. This was now making a blustery noise and felt very warm on such a cold wintry night. The bride’s hand was constantly touching the groom’s hand so that he could add ghee to the fire after every mantra as they had to do it together. Her hand touching him was like adding ghee to the fire anyway. This was making the atmosphere even warmer for them. This was making them unaware of what pundit ji had to convey to the deities. It’s a different thing that they would not have understood the language of the Vedas anyway. This went on for a while.

Meanwhile, the great pump and show had started to wind up with the catering and other staff finishing their meals. There was still the coffee machine on to provide regular drink of coffee to the people attending to the late night rituals to keep them warm or awake. The coffee making staff was trying their best to provide a good service as they looked forward to a good tip at the end. The Band members were resting on the chairs elsewhere after having their dinner. They knew they will be called again to perform on the last leg of the extravaganza later.

While close family members paid attention to the mantras and other procedures being performed or solicited by pundit ji, other residual guests spent some lighter moments sharing jokes with each other and trying to pull groom’s and bride’s legs. Some elderly members of their families did not like it; but nobody cared. Some kids were still playing with balloons and some very young ones were trying to sleep in their mothers’ laps. Pundit ji asked the bride and the groom to stand up as he prepared for the pheras. He then asked them to go round in a circle around the sacred fire 7 times stopping intermittently to make them understand the importance of each promise they made after completing each phera or the round. The pheras were completed amidst the noisy but fun filled running commentary from a group of young friends and relatives whose objective seemed to be having as much fun as possible from the event leading to a joint venture with unforeseen outcomes.

Then pundit ji called for the groom to put vermillion on the bride’s forehead near the hairline where the hair parted on either side of her head. The groom felt overjoyed while his right hand’s thumb dragged through the bride’s forehead delicately displaying a streak of the bright red sindoor powder. Then he put the mangal sutra (the sacred thread embedded with dazzling jewels) around her neck. This felt like a fairy tale of a little princess who was adored by a charming prince before she was taken away from everyone else to make her his very own.

Everyone attending clapped their hands. The groom and the bride were now man and wife. Pundit ji, parents, uncles, aunties, etc. blessed them with a shower of flowers. Everyone was now allowed to get up and put their shoes on. The ultimate witness to the wedding, the sacred fire, was now being doused by pundit ji after it having sincerely performed its duty of witnessing the union of two souls. The groom’s friends could not keep a very good eye on his shoes and they were indeed stolen by the bride’s brother(s)/ sister(s)/ friends. So, he was not left with any other choice but to pay for his own shoes. He bought them for less than what he had to pay for them now. But never mind…. He was still happy.

It was nearly dawn……. Everything had come to a standstill but the soothing sound of the mantras was still echoing in the ears of all. There appeared to have been created a big vacuum as if someone had pressed the pause button in the middle of a rock number. The bride’s family members had lost their speech before the very moment when they will give her away to someone else. So, with their lips sealed and their hands joined together, their eyes told of their heartfelt request to the groom’s family to wait for a while before leaving so they could gather the courage to part from their lovingly brought up girl, who was still a little girl for them. The silent request was granted a nod of approval and everyone settled for a while. The bride was happy and apprehensive of the future outcomes at the same time but the very thought of being separated from her parents/family was just so powerful that she seemed to have forgotten about her future. The moment in time seemed to have pushed and stuck something down her throat which was making her choke. She must have felt that she was going to die. Her family members were feeling the same, choking with sadness. Their damp eyes were making it even more difficult for them to see their already disappearing little girl. This was the most difficult moment of their lives. They knew from the day she was born but never realised that, the one who used to fill the whole house with her mystical sounds as a child, one who always asked questions because of her inquisitiveness, and one who, as a grown up, always endeavoured to make their house a home, will leave them aspiring for her one day. But…the moment had come. She had to go now. Something which was stuck in their throats had to be swallowed down. The bride broke into tears. She cried and cried on the shoulders of her dad. He pacified her while his own tears rolled down his cheeks onto her head covered in the beautiful red saari.

The band members, who were almost asleep, were called again to get ready for giving this event a final touch. No body ever thought that the brass band of the British army from the pre independence era would become such a phenomenon later in the celebration of Indian weddings, but it did.




This time they had to perform a number signifying moments of separation only to add to the already sorrowful atmosphere. This time they had to perform only for a few minutes while the bride walked up to the groom’s conveyance. This was not a horse anymore. It was a car. The couple settled themselves in the back seat when the bride was still continuously crying like a child. The bride’s brother was also pushed in as he, as part of a tradition, was supposed to go with her, only for a day. He was going to see that she will be happy in her new home.

The doors of the meticulously decorated car shut…....!! So did the hearts of the bride and her family. As the car started to move, the bride felt as if she was leaving her own soul behind. She was struggling to cope with this separation of her body from her soul which was trying to come out of her through her mouth, trying to choke her again. A big silence hovered over the whole place. With the progression of the car further down the road, only the fainting sounds of the band could be heard which also eventually died.